Stopped my buddy's cheap 300mm down to f/8 and he got better stars than my fancy glass.

How many wings were you trying to cook at once? If you stuffed all 14 in a single layer, that timing was never gonna work no matter what temp you used.

I used to roll my eyes at people who said Battlefield Earth was fun, because I figured nothing could touch The Room. Then my cousin dragged me to a midnight showing in Sacramento last year and I finally got it. The Room is funny on purpose in a way, or at least Tommy Wiseau knows what he made, but Battlefield Earth has zero clue how weird it is. Travolta's laugh and those rat brain scenes hit a level of strange that no $1 bin copy of anything else has matched for me. So you're not broken, you just found the deep end of bad movies before most people do.